From my reading last night – Mark 8:34-37 (MSG) “Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he (Jesus) said, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?”
I traded so much to become like I thought the world wanted me to be. What I wrongly perceived as a lifestyle that would make me feel fulfilled and happy. I thought if I was like her or them or this or that, then I would find that “meaning”, that peace, that feeling of success. And a biggie…if I were in a relationship – then I would feel whole. But how many of my friends are in relationships and feel so lost, alone, even rejected? They have all the things the world calls success but yet they wonder why their life isn’t happy.
For me it was a long process not quick to find out I am on the wrong road. God help me!!! Many of my newer friends can’t imagine me and some of the situations from my past. I know some of those from the past have a hard time accepting me as I am now. I know now that what really matters most to find my inner peace and joy is letting Jesus lead. Life is now a treasure. Struggles still come and a few days ago I was actually thinking….I miss some parts of that misery I was going through a few months ago. I’m sure some more will come my way to bring me new revelations. For now, I will rest in God’s presence and remember that I have finally found me and I don’t have to drive everywhere!
I am a recovering control freak and perfectionist. Underneath part of the “real me” is really a gypsy following the breezes of the Holy Spirit. Next stop – Colombia for old friends, new ones, coffee farm and heavenly vistas. Life is much richer when you just hang on and let God…..