did I fail

Rocks

I’m confused. Last night was monthly critique and I had a painting I wanted some feedback on before a competition in February. BUT do you drive 40 miles in snow for opinions? I decided nope and kept working on the newsletter.

Around 6pm (meeting at 7:30) I felt God/Spirit telling me to go. I argued but He was adament. OK…You’re in charge. I bundled up, hit the highway and max speed was 55mph. I kept muttering, “This is lunacy.” Approaching the first ramp I was ready to exit but drove on…roads got worse. Then I said, sorry God…can’t do it, next exit, I’m heading home.

Did I fail? Do I get points for going out the door?

There are many stories where God asks people to do uncomfortable things. Not my first time but I don’t know if I blew it or if I’ll ever understand it.

what we want

#42

I was watching a three year old who wanted to see my video about sharks. I knew it was a bit violent so we watched one on other ocean creatures. When the octopus appeared, he said, “That thing is freaking me out.” So we switched gears. He still wanted more sharks though.

We don’t always know what will be safe or comfortable until we actually experience it. My first trip to Haiti, I was fine before I left. Week two of six, I was wondering, “What was God thinking?”

Sometimes what we think will be OK, later freaks us out. I won’t say following God stops those moments but an underlying trust that He knows better is important.

“Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and THAT was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.” Romans 4:3

ready for new

Sweet Dreams

I know some people take this last week of the year to reflect on “What’s happened?” and “What’s ahead?”

I know these recent years I have done WHAT questions a bit more. Following God doesn’t come with a detailed road map so you need to get your bearings.

Those who have a specific calling like to work with a specific country, outreach or people group might seem to have it made and easy direction…but I’m not so sure…

Sometimes I think we focus on one thing so much that we limit ourselves being used for further amazing things. Or we get so comfy doing something we know, we don’t want any ripples in the pond and it takes a giant wave to loosen our grip so we can reach a new and beautiful shore.

“A seed hidden in the heart of an apple is an orchard invisible.” ~Welsh Proverb

striving

number 18

We are all striving. But what for? We make lists, set goals, decide whats normal, acceptable and perfect in our lives then attempt to make it happen.

BUT are we having any fun doing it?? Do we have any imagination left or just written plans?

From The Artists Way class a few years ago, we created a list of 5 Silly Things we’d like to do. DIFFICULT for me. One I said was be in a tub with jello. I don’t know why…just write what comes to your mind first.

While visiting my HS art teacher later I asked for her list (I didn’t tell her mine), she said the same thing!! SHOCK (No – I don’t have a picture. I haven’t done it……yet! How would you dissolve it?)

“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” – William Shedd

how close

Pile Dive

Do you look back or watch to see what’s happening in your walk with God?

Today I felt led to re-read my journal a bit – see where I’ve been, what I prayed, answers received and things to come.

When God asks us to follow, He wants us close and listening. I’ve been in a few directions I thought were great only to have them explode. I have a few messy things now but feel Him saying “stay.” I keep praying! That can be a bit confusing since we usually expect life with Him to be all good and glorious. Not always, but…I’m diving in!

“Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all.” Matt 16:24 MSG

affluence or influence

Along the Road

I wish I had lots of money to give wherever its needed. Unfortunately I have found that isn’t always the best thing. Another reason I seek wisdom.

Maybe this season of my life is to focus on how I want to influence others. Sharing stories of faith through art and words to help others see possibilities in their lives. Sometimes we focus so hard on things that are concrete, black and white and logical, we miss the wonders of God’s Great Mystery.

I told a professor that I remember him by a verse he would use, he said is that all? I think its worth it!!

“God, our God, will take care of the hidden things but the revealed things are our business. It’s up to us and our children to attend to all the terms in this Revelation.” Deut 29:29 MSG

do you ever think…what if…if only…should have…

I don’t mean risk-reward analysis, product development discovery or problem solving techniques. More like that dreamy thought process that says your life would be so different IF something in the past had been different. Maybe its thoughts of what your parents should have done. Or if you were born in another country…another body….another family. How about if only your spouse or children would do or be different….THEN… curly-straight, short-tall, rich-poor, skinny-fat… The list can go on and our imaginations too. Do you find that process helpful? How does it help you personally?

From reading and processing over the last several years, I’ve found that I was doing so many “what if…” comparisons and storing up blame, anger, regret and even hatred from things that happened in my life. Life wasn’t fair. I was using those thoughts to defend myself, to give myself excuses and to sit in a pool of self-pity. I was following what others said about me, suggested for me or even what I imagined they might be thinking. I was staying in a place stuck and I was giving others the key to my life. (I still have moments but work at recognizing them.)

I found a new way to use those words, dreams and ideas. To take a bit more responsibility for my own life. I don’t mean in a selfish or extreme attitude of “you don’t matter” but looking and saying, “My life now and my future are worth something and I am the person responsible for that.”

My past is that….past – over – done and I can’t redo it. BUT my present, my future, my purpose is to LIVE AS ME. It’s been a process to find out how to do that for myself. Each of us will have a little different experience with this but it is very worth the reflecting, surrendering and deciding to use “What if….” to look ahead instead of the past.

Be true to you because you truly do matter!